It's Tired and I'm Early
by fernazab
Summary: Arthur waking up to unusual things... including singing and alarm clocks! :P Collection of one-shots. No slash.
1. Awake, Awake

**Once again, we don't own Merlin. (I only put these disclaimers up because Fern forces me to.**)

**We took up the "Morning conversations" challenge. Basically, you write a fic based around the first thing you say in the morning. This will be in multiple one-shots since what is said first varies depending on the day. WARNING: At least one character will act out of character each chapter.**

**This chapter is based around the most common thing first said in our house. That is, what I sing to one of my brothers.**

**Enjoy!  
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"Awake, awake my darling, and open your blue eyes..."

_What the heck is that?_ Arthur clamped his eyes tighter.

"The birds are singing good morning..."

_I wish this bird would shut up. _Arthur groaned and buried his face into his pillow. _Why is he singing outside my room? Why don't the guards drag him away?_

"And bidding you to rise..."

_Who is this! Why is he making this disgusting racket? It isn't Merlin. He only sings when drunk._

"Get up."

The wretched singing was finally over. _Maybe he'll go away now._

"Oh, Arthur, come on. It's time to get up."

Arthur's eyes flew open. Whoever it was stopped singing. But he was definitely in Arthur's room.

Arthur shot bolt right up in bed. It was his father.

"That's the spirit!" Uther said jovially.

"Father," Arthur about choked, "what are you doing in here?"

"I'm the king and your father," Uther answered pleasantly. "I can come in here whenever I want."

"But... Merlin usually wakes me up."

"Does he sing as well as I do?"

"What?" _Who are you, and what have you done with my father? _"Why would he sing to me?" _Why would you sing to me? I'm still asleep. I know it!_

The door opened. Merlin entered, carrying breakfast.

"Oh," he said, freezing up in surprise. "Your majesty. I'll... just put this here," Merlin set the food on the table, "and... leave."

"No, Arthur won't answer my question," Uther intervened cheerfully. "So, you'll answer it."

"Alright." Merlin looked frightened. "My lord."

"Do you sing as well as I do?"

Merlin looked taken aback. "Of... course not, your majesty. I don't even sing."

_Yeah, you don't sing! You should hear how loud and incoherent you are drunk._

"That's too bad. We could have had contest," Uther sounded disappointed. Then he added with hopefulness, "You should sing to Arthur in the mornings for practice."

Merlin's eyes widened in terror. "Yes, your majesty." He bowed and fled before Arthur could demand otherwise. Arthur didn't want to be left alone with this part of his dream. This manically chirpy Uther scared Arthur far more than any moody, angry father.

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**Please review and tell us what you thought :)**


	2. Let's Go!

**Before you read this, we swear that we really do love Gwaine. It is coincidental that this was published around the same time as "Wagers and Liars." _(Actually "Wager and Liars" was in the works long before we even thought about "It's tired and I'm early." Not that it matters.)_**

**It is debatable whether we actually managed to hit Gwaine with the Out of Character Stick. He tried to dodge. But we DID hit Uther last chapter! _It was epic! We snuck up behind him and hit him on the back of the head. _He didn't even know we were there!**

**And there's no singing in this chapter. Sorry. We can only make that joke funny so many times.**

**Anyway. Enjoy!  
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THUMP!

Arthur moaned. Did someone just slam his door? He might have to talk to Merlin about not slamming the door. That idiot.

"It's time to go!" a boisterous voice rang out. This voice didn't sound like Merlin. But who else could it be? No one else would dare.

Arthur sat up irritably, preparing to yell at Merlin.

"Gwaine?" Arthur said in disbelief.

"Come on. Hurry up," Gwaine said more insistently. "Let's get going!" He was bouncing on the balls of his feet.

Arthur's jaw dropped. "Go where?" he asked cautiously.

"You said that we're going hunting today!" Gwaine exclaimed. Arthur wondered for a moment why Gwaine was in such a hurry to go hunting. That was until—

"And afterwards, all of us are going drinking!"

"Gwaine, I'm not going hunting until later." Arthur replied firmly, "Besides, I think you're already drunk."

"Nah," Gwaine said dismissively, "Now stop being such a princess, and let's go. The sooner the hunting is over, the sooner the drinking can begin!" Gwaine pivoted halfway toward the door and motioned to it, "Now MOVE!"

Thwack!

The door swung open and hit Gwaine square in the face. He stepped backward and clutched his face. In the doorway stood a very shocked and concerned Merlin. The manservant looked at a loss for words. He was obviously having trouble digesting what just happened.

"I wouldn't worry about it, Merlin," Arthur remarked, "You've sobered him up."

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**Please review and tell us what you thought.**

**For added humor (stated with the permission of Fern): Fern accidentally dropped a word in the before A/N. I pointed it out to her... but she replaced the word in the wrong spot... So it ended up reading like this: "****_We snuck up behind him and hit on him the back of the head." True story, people :)_**


	3. Check This Out!

**Thank you to all the reviewers, subscribers, etc. You people are amazing!**

**_To__ answer the anonymous reviewer asdf: If you wish to see the first chapter (or any of the other chapters for that matter) as a dream sequence, you may. However, in this fic none of the chapters build on each other AT ALL. But take it whatever way makes this fic most enjoyable for you._**

**I found a time turner! _No you didn't._ Okay, okay, Fern found a time turner. This was a rare occasion where letting her transcribe into the computer isn't a scary thought. I did put my final touches on this though. (I couldn't be left out.)**

**Enjoy!  
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ACT I SCENE I

_Arthur's chamber_

_The scene opens with Arthur sleeping upon his bed. The door to Arthur's chamber opens. Merlin enters. He walks into the room with a giddy gate._

**Merlin: **Arthur! Check this out!

_He swings his arms out dramatically and his eyes flash gold. The curtains magically open. However, Arthur's head is buried in his pillow._

**Arthur: **[_moaning_] What?

**Merlin: **[_clearly disappointed_] Ah. You didn't see!

_He walks over to the curtains. He closes the drapes conventionally._

**Arthur: **[_now sitting up_] Merlin, what are you talking about? Have you been at the cider again?

**Merlin: **[_proudly_] This!

_He swings his arms out dramatically again. The drapes to magically open again._

**Arthur: **[_shocked_] ...

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**Please review! Nobody wants minutes of hard work to be wasted!**

**Also, there is a chance that Fern might let me borrow that time turner tomorrow._ Let? Oh no, that depends on how sneaky you are:p _Fine, I might steal her time turner tomorrow. If I'm successful we'll get the next chapter of "On the Enemy's Terms" up tomorrow.  
**


	4. Are You Getting Up?

**Thank you to everyone that gave us feedback. You guys rock our world :)**

**Don't try to find a point in this chapter. It's even more pointless and random than the others... _And if you have been trying to find a point this whole time... Sorry, it doesn't exist. Not in this fic anyways. _Actually, I might know what the whole point of this fic is: "We should treat all trivial things of life very seriously, and all serious things of life with sincere and studied triviality." ~Oscar Wilde. _You know, Zab, I'm not sure that Oscar Wilde is the best person to take advice from. _Spoilsport.**

**Anyway. Enjoy!  
**

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"Are you getting up, Sire?"

Arthur felt a sudden jab in his ribs. The prince was already prepared to reprimand his stupid, thoughtless servant. (Strangely, Merlin didn't quite sound like himself today. Did he have something stuck in his throat?) Arthur growled and opened his eyes. Then he scooted back an inch in surprise and alarm.

"Gaius?" Arthur said incredulously. Did Gaius really just poke Arthur a moment ago?

"Are you getting up?" Gaius asked again.

"Yes," Arthur replied slowly.

"Just checking," Gaius said cheerfully. He turned and strode away.

"Wait, Gaius." Arthur sat up. "What are you doing in here?"

Gaius ignored Arthur. The old man started muttering under his breath as he walked. Arthur was certain he heard the physician say something about a "terrible disease."

"Gaius!" Arthur demanded attention. He threw off his blanket and tossed his legs over the edge of his bed.

Still muttering, Gaius pulled open the bedroom door. Before the old man managed to close the door behind himself, Arthur saw something that made him freeze.

Did he really just see his father...

Frolic down the hall?

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**Yep, another super short one. Please review!**

**Also, we're going out of town soon. Which means we won't have access to a computer for about a week. That is, at least not one that we're willing to write our fanfiction on. On the upside, we will probably end up posting a lot the moment we get back. Now, don't think that being out of town changes how we feel about reviews. Pleeeeeaaaase review. We LOVE reviews.  
**


	5. Could You Go Wake Up SoAndSo?

**We're back! Thank you to everyone that reviewed! We think we've personally replied to all the reviews, if we haven't we'll grovel at your feet.**

*******IMPORTANT*****: We understand why not everyone wants to read the A/N. We skim over them all the time. However, we've noticed that some of our reviewers seem confused. This is a collection of one-shots. None of these chapters build on each other. People get banged with the OOC stick _(and somehow no one has ended up with any mysterious bruises)_. Then, everyone's memories are wiped at the end of each chapter. _And each chapter is based on something we say or someone says to us in the morning. The chapter titles are quotes._**

**Also, if you haven't been reading the A/Ns thus far, we highly recommend the A/N of the Gwaine chapter. It's the best part of the chapter if we do say so ourselves.**

**Enjoy!  
**

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It was the usual routine. First item on the list: Get the prince's breakfast. Check. Second, bring said breakfast to said prince's bed chamber. Semi-check. Third, wake the prince. Fourth, endure the prince's rude, prat-like behavior. (The fourth item lasts all day long, and sometimes longer.)

Having accomplished the first item on the list, Merlin was striding down the hall to his next task. He opened the door to Arthur's room, mentally marking off the next part of his daily to-do list. Merlin froze in the doorway. His jaw dropped. There was no way Merlin would do the third item on his list.

"You're awake!" Merlin said in surprise. Not only was Arthur awake, but he was sitting upright in his bed. Sitting upright and doing absolutely nothing.

"Yes," Arthur said imperiously, "I am awake. I'm glad your tiny brain can at least grasp that."

Merlin gawked. His mind hurriedly ran over recent events. Arthur being awake before his servant was without fail a sign of trouble. However, his musings were interrupted by the great prat.

"Could you go wake up my father?" Arthur asked.

"Sorry?" Merlin replied. He must have misheard that.

"Could," Arthur repeated slowly. "You. Go. Wake up. My father."

"The king!" Merlin exclaimed in a strangled voice. "You want me to go wake up the_ king_?"

"Of course. How many fathers do you think I have? Now go wake him up."

"No."

"_Mer_lin, that was an order."

"He has his own servant to get him up. Me, I could get thrown in the stocks, the prisons, or even killed… or all three if he's in a _really_ bad mood."

"_Mer_lin!" Arthur snarled.

"Fine." Merlin's voice was defeated. "I'll go wake him up," he lied.

At that, Merlin rushed out of the room, forgetting that he was still carrying Arthur's breakfast.

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**Now it's time for the obligatory begging for reviews. Please review. Pretty please.**


	6. Bwrawr! Part 1

**These next two chapters are dedicated to PoisoningPigeonsinthePark who suggested an alarm clock for Arthur. Sorry, we couldn't make it pink and fluffy. That was just too much. _But we did find a way to make it ridiculous!_**

**It's a two-parter simply because, otherwise, this chapter would have been way longer than any of the others. With any luck, we'll have the second part up today.**

**Enjoy!  
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Arthur Pendragon held Gwen's hand as they walked happily. Everything was wonderful. His lordship couldn't conceive of anything being wrong. He leaned toward his love with no thought but to kiss her. Their lips were an inch apart when—

"Bwrawr!"

Arthur wheeled around. His eyes were met by a giant lizard. It looked like the cockatrice he once faced. The lizard began to advance on them. It opened its mouth and gave another loud "bwrawr."

Arthur reached for his sword. In terror, he realized it wasn't there. The creature continued to advance, giving its cry of "bwrawr." It bent its knees, preparing to pounce.

Arthur whipped around to grab Gwen and protect her. She was gone! The creature, still screaming "bwrawr," launched itself toward the prince. And then—

Arthur woke up.

"Bwrawr!"

The prince jumped at the noise. He dived for his sword. Within a moment he was standing on his bed, poised to attack whatever was making that offending noise.

"Bwrawr!"

He spun toward the sound. A strange rectangular box sat on Arthur's bedside table. The box had a bunch of bumps with small numbers on them. On one side, some numbers glowed on the contraption. It became clear to Arthur what the offender was.

"Bwrawr!" block screamed again.

Arthur swung his sword sword at it.

And it clattered harmlessly to the floor.

"Bwrawr!"

Arthur jumped to the ground. He poised his sword over the block.

"Bwrawr!"

He thrust his sword toward it and—

The contraption bounded away from the blow.

"Bwrawr!" It taunted.

The prince attacked again and again with the same results. The stupid thing wouldn't desist in its rhythmic taunts of "bwrawr."

This went on for a few minutes. Then Arthur's chamber door opened.

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_**I have an announcement to make. It's Zab's birthday today! Guess what she wants for her birthday?**_ **Reviews! Lots of reviews! Do I have any shame about using my birthday as an excuse to get more reviews? Nope!**

**Oh, and if you haven't already, please go vote on our poll. That's another excellent gift! :)  
**


	7. Bwrawr! Part 2

**Thank you to everyone that reviewed! As suggested by lilgenious, the swiftness in which this was put up is a thank you gift to all the birthday wishes. So, thank you to Kitty O, PoisoningPigeonsinthePark, and lilgenious! This is for you!**

**Enjoy!  
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Merlin, laden with food, pushed open the door to Arthur's chambers. A look of shock and amusement shot across the servant's face. He stared as his master yelled and hacked at the floor. Warlock couldn't figure out why the prat was trying to damage his own floor.

Then he heard, "Bwrawr!"

"Arthur?" Merlin said, trying to get the prince's attention.

Arthur, however, ignored his manservant and continued hacking in vain.

"Arthur!" Merlin shouted.

Finally, the prat responded. "What!" he snapped, still madly swinging his sword to the floor as the alarm continued to wail.

"Stop damaging your sword," Merlin chided. "And stop denting the floor for that matter. You're making it harder to clean."

("Bwrawr!")

"Not until it's dead!"

"Did you try entering the code?" Merlin asked wearily.

("Bwrawr!")

In surprise, Arthur desisted in swinging. "Code? What code?"

("Bwrawr!")

"The code I gave you last night."

When Arthur only gave a blank stare, Merlin strode across the room. ("Bwrawr! Bwrawr! Bwrawr!") The manservant swooped down and pressed several of the weird bumps.

"Bwra—" It stopped abruptly.

"I told you how to turn it off last night!" Merlin reproached.

"No," Arthur countered, "you didn't. You didn't even mention putting that thing—that abomination—in my chambers."

"You sure?"

"Positive. Where did you get that horrible thing anyway?"

Merlin shrugged and muttered noncommittally.

"_Mer_lin!"

"What? It woke you up when it was supposed to, didn't it?"

"It wasn't supposed to wake me up. You were! How did you get a hold of it? You haven't been consorting with sorcerers?"

Merlin shook his head hastily.

Arthur didn't seem convinced. "Merlin, find the deepest, darkest hole you can and get rid of it. And if I ever see it again, I will push you out a window."

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**Please review! And feel free to give suggestions for other early-morning adventures in Arthur's room. We're running low on ideas. And if we run out of ideas, we won't keep updating this...**

**And once again, if you haven't voted on our poll, please do so now.  
**


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